I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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