Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
