I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
