Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
