I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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