Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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