We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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