I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
