my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
