I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
