I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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