I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
