You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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