Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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