I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
