Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
