I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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