forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
