oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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