I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
