Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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