Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
