my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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