I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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