im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
