Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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