What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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