dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
