Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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