Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We're like a lot better than the average bears
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
