Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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