She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
