How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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