yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
this is an emotional support booty call
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
