literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
