No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
