A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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