Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's the barista slut.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
