At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
