Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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