He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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