community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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