What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
