i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize