so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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