Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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