just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
