If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
