kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
