Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
