Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
