So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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