theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
