I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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