You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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