I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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