Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize