Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
