and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
