Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
