dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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