So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
