I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize