Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
