Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
