I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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