someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
