It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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