I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
