i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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