Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize