Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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