remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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