He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
