I wannas sexs uuuuu
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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