We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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