Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
