i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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