Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
