Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
