I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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