Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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